Lesson 23 - Reward the Behavior You Desire

Be The Dad You Wish You Had - Ryan Roy

The video below is NOT a word for word reading of the book. It is the author giving a different perspective on the text to help YOU get a deeper understanding of the material

Reward the Behavior you Desire.

I do not know how this ended up to so far down the list, but it is a very simple concept. As parents, we can get caught up in teaching our children how to behave. We often criticize or remind them of what not to do. But we also need to reward them for the behavior that we desire. I often remind my son why he gets the things he desires. I’ll ask the question, “Why do you get all of these things?” His response, “because I’m a good boy.” My goal is to continually remind him of the reason he gets these things is because he earned them. He is also very aware if he is not a good boy, he may not get some other things he desires. His desires are toys, desserts, going to the park, and doing projects. If he is not being well behaved and doing what is expected of him, some of those things start to get taken away. He is reminded that if he is not well behaved, he will not be rewarded for poor behavior.

A great example of this is how we potty trained our son. Most kids like chocolate. We told him that if he were to go potty or pee pee in the toilet, he would get one M&M. He did this for several weeks and every time he went potty in the toilet he would get an M&M reward for the behavior we desired (him not peeing in his underwear or anywhere else except the toilet). It took three weeks for us to discover that one M&M was not enough for him to go poop. We decided to increase the reward for every time he went poop. For every time he pooped in the toilet, he would receive two M&Ms. The day we made that deal was a good one. He has never worn a diaper since.

Do not assume that your children know how you want them to behave. The only way they know is if you reward them for the behavior you desire. They will duplicate the behavior because they enjoyed the reward. Great rewards are: candy, stickers, stamps, and small toys. Rewards do not have to be big, they can be anything. Children like the recognition!

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