My name is Ryan Roy. I am a father of a seven year old and a one year old boys. No matter how much I want to be a good parent,

I'm imperfect

and I have to understand that and accept that.

Did not want to become a father simply because I did not want to damage another human being, for lack of a better term. I was abandoned. I grew up without a father.

I believe that I'm not the only one who doesn't believe I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

Hello, this is episode two (but it's really episode 3) of the I don't know about parenting podcast for parents and I'm just winging this.

Well, my immediate thought is a, there is not a good intro. You guys don't know who I am. Um, but you know, I know if I focus on all of those little things now this podcast won't even exist and you know, I just need to get this thing moving like the concept because I believe that I'm not the only one who doesn't believe. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. Uh, so if I can just talk about it all, I could just listen. We'll get something here and I just want to give the thought process round it out.

We'll straighten this out a little bit

We'll straighten this out a little bit. I want to get the thought process around how I even came up with this morning. I'll introduce myself just a little bit. My name is Ryan Roy. I am a father of a seven year old and a one year old boys. I'm pro very long time because I was abandoned by my own father till I was 35 years old. I did become a father myself and even then it was a slight shock to the system. Did not want to become a father simply because I did not want to damage another human being, for lack of a better term. I was abandoned. I grew up without a father. Uh, had lot of anxiety and challenges around that.

I'm in for whatever reason. Part of the reason that is right, uh, is, is finding the right partner to have a child with so that there is unity in the family. And uh, I hadn't had a relationship that I wanted a marriage in and there was no way I was going to bring a child into this world without being able to sustain that type of relationship until I met my wife. Uh, we got married and the doctors told us that one, a lot of my friends had gotten girlfriends or things like that pregnant.

Maybe my fish don't swim

Neither had miscarriage or got abortions that I never had that mishap even though I was in longterm relationships and very sexually active, never had that mishap. So a big part of me was like maybe my fish don't swim fellows listening to this. That's just a reality of it. And then my wife was told at some point that she had like a five percent chance of having children. So when we got married I was like, of, kind of hit the lottery. I don't have to have kids. Neither one of us were opposed to it because we're very much in love. And the night of our, you know, of us getting married, I remember saying, look, listen, have fun. Whatever happens, happens. Not Thinking that anything would happen. Well six weeks later we were pregnant and my life changed for the better. So that's a little bit about me and how I became a dad. But I also knew I needed to make a shift personally.

And we'll get into that in another episode. But fast forward to my son being about a year and a half old, my first born in America was running around the house that day and it was. My wife was at work and I had them that day and I just remember him reaching into the back of his diaper often. And I jokingly said to him, I said, you might want to stop doing that. You're going to come up with some goal that somebody at some point you're probably not going to like that and probably towards three, 4:00 in the afternoon he struck gold and I was sharing this story with a friend of mine recently and it's like, man, you got to tell stories like this. He goes, because it's great. I said, okay, so I'm telling you guys now. So as he reached down, and this is a parenting moment, I don't know, as he struggled or gold, he's like, and he has his hand in it full of poop.

I literally say the word under my breath, shit.

And I'm like, oh man. And he happened to be in his bedroom at the time and I ran over to him really quick because I don't want them to smearing it anywhere. I don't want to have to do any more cleaning than I have to do a grab his hand. And I started walking him towards the bathroom in under my breath, but obviously not enough under my breath. Realize he's starting to talk mimic words and things. I'm holding his hand and walking him and I literally say the word under my breath,
shit.

And he looks up at me and I tell you, this is the clearest word he's ever said to this point in his life and he looks up at me and without hesitation says shit. And now thinking to myself double shit because my kid just said Shit and let last thing I need is for his mom to come home and his new word of the day as shit. So what do I do in any wise parent would do, or at least I think is we don't want to draw attention and say don't say that word. Because whenever you say don't in front of anything to a child, all they hear is everything afterwards. So if I said, don't say that word, he would hear. Say that word. If I say don't run in the house, kids can tend to walking out was by saying don't spill the milk. And I say this in my book, I have a book called be the dead. You wish you had 40 power lessons becoming a powerful debt. I always say, tell kids what you want them to do. So if you want a kid to not walk or not run in the house, he don't say don't run because they could skip, they could crawl, they could roll, they can stop, they can do anything but run. But more importantly, tell them what you want them to do so you tell them to walk. So anyway, I have him, he said his first curse word, luckily to my knowledge, or at least in front of me, it's been the last curse word he has said and he's now seven years old. Um, but those were the parenting moments that happened, right? I can beat myself up for saying Shit, I can ignore it. So what I basically did was just gotten, cleaned them up. I didn't acknowledge that I chuckled inside a, had a lot of fear inside around whether he's going to repeat this newfound word later on the day and mom's presence.

Um, for those of you watching, that was somebody who just ran the stop sign and almost caused an accident and it wasn't me.

No, that's it. You're going to have those parenting moments. And in that moment, luckily I think I did the right thing about parenting. I didn't know about it then. I don't know about it now because every new stage I'm learning something new in every new stage I'm having a new challenge and as soon as I think I have some linked or that my kid is doing and I'm doing the right things, I get thrown another curve ball, no matter how much I read or how much I coach someone else. As my profession is a life coach, no matter how much knowledge I have, there's a lot that plays into this thing we call parenting or emotions about how much we love this child and how we listen to this as well. I'm about to say catching myself, how much I don't want to mess up or so focused on what I don't want to do.

I don't because what are we? What are we here? What is the universe here? What is everyday? Don't mess up the Oh, so no matter how much I want to be a good parent, I'm imperfect. And I have to understand that and accept that. And I suggest that all y'all except that for what it is, is you are imperfect and you're going to make mistakes. Here's the thing about any mistakes I tell my seven year old all the time and I'm starting to tell the one year old, even though he didn't fully understand mistakes are good and I always asked my son as he makes a mistake and he may get frustrated with us. I said, mistakes are good. Why? He goes, because we learned from that and the lesson I got from my mom, the steaks are good as long as we learn from them. If we keep making the same mistake over and over and over again. Now we have a challenge. But we should be learning from our mistakes and not making those same mistakes. So that's my thought. That's how this podcast is coming about. Because of that story. I'll sit in there saying I should tell this story about shit on a podcast. And then I said, but our thing. And I remember thinking, man, why would anybody listen to me? I don't know shit about parenting.

Great title for a podcast

Great title for a podcast. I don't know shit about parenting podcast for parents that don't know shit and I think that's all of us and if anybody thinks they know anymore, they're lying to themselves. Now. I read some books. I've been implemented, some strategies I liked that they got. I'm doing an okay job, but I'll tell you what, I still don't know shit because no matter how many books they're written by somebody else's experience, I could share my experiences. I can share my strategies.

Guess what?

Unless you have my life experience and want to implement those types of strategies based on your life experience, they may or may not work for you, but as we share stories, the more stories we hear and the more stuff that starts to resonate with us and if it worked for somebody else, we can try those things. So that's my goal was to share with you some of the strategies, parenting strategies that I've used that have worked. I'm going to share with you some of my biggest mistakes and failures as I see them as a parent. I'm going to tell you some funny stories like the gold that was found that day and I'm going to probably come on here and get pretty vulnerable with you every so often and tell you how I am being a complete failure in the moment because that's real.

Thank you for listening to my kind of intro slash second episode of I don't know shit about parenting podcast. We'll see an episode three.